TwentyFucking5...& what they didn't warn you about your 20's
There it goes, again. A billion thoughts scrambled in my brain and not having a fucking clue as to where to start. *takes a deep breath* *randomly lets my head and chest hang off the edge of my bed*Ok, I'm back. So, what I really want to say is, "fuck this shit, fuck all this shit, fuck am I doing, fuck are y'all doing, when will things change, how do things change, patience." Funny how naive of child I was. An annoying little know-it-all with not a single hint of a clue as to how this thing called life actually works. I remember reading or seeing someone talk along the lines of people who live in the past and the unhealthy benefits from doing so. I connected right away with that. I'm a past-er. I think about the past all of the fucking time and about how I got here. I get upset, angry, and sometimes even disgusted with myself for not being the person that I believed I would be at 25. Who ever said that your 20's rule, again? Were they like 15 when they said it, because... fast forward me to my 60's, at least I'll be closer to starting over. That's just how I feel sometimes, ya know? Twenty fifteen was the year that I truly began to realize habits within myself that are unhealthy, unrealistic, basically, what has been, and forever will keep me back from being the person that I only dreamt of being. One word. Pussy. I was a straight up pussy. Knew what I wanted. Knew what I had to do to get there. Well, certain steps I had to take to get there. But scared af to take these steps and do all the work and not get the results I planned and worked my ass off for, and having to start over. I have a really close friend who literally has OCD for planning shit. She's had 5 different plans in 2015 alone. Life plans. GOALS! And not a single one came to fruition. And not because she didn't work towards succeeding them, but because every single time, unfortunate situations happened in her life that made her go back and make changes or start anew. But she has yet to give up on herself. She keeps it moving and is much stronger than the woman she was last year. (Shout out to you, Bae! Love you!) Back to me being a pussy. I just always felt like I needed to be able to see the plan allllllll the way through before I made the commitment. I NEEDED to know that the plan would work. That there was absolutely no way that there could or would be a flaw in it. Hmmm, now Im realizing I had lots of short term goals. The long term goals, I only had visuals of. I have this amazing team of beautiful, creative, brilliant, intelligent, ambitious, black women who has invested their precious 20's-struggle-of-a-time to help me form this site to something better than I imagined. You would think that the weight of knowing that this brand is now more than just me, knowing that there are 3 other women who's names are on the line as well, I would have pushed a little harder. Shit, after the amazing launch of this site, I was even more of a pussy. How many times do someone tell you how great you're doing, and how dope your business/company is/will become before that pressure just creep up on you out of no where? Thinking I have absolutely no room for mistakes. I have to prove the people right. Felt like a ton of fucking bricks. I froze up. I was still being a pussy. But listen here, when that light hits you, and you begin to clearly see your scary little ways getting IN the way of your potential, and its fight or flight, you better fight your way to the top. You're either miserable or unmeasurably happy by the time you hit your 4th quarter. So, if you plan to be unmeasurably happy, I would advise that you release all your doubts and fears and take all the necessary risks to get what you deserve and be the person you know you want to be.
If you can relate and now realize the ways and reasons why you have yet to push yourself pass your own limits, then make this vow to yourself to no longer allow that excuse to overpower your dreams of being the best, brightest, baddest version of yourself. I made this vow to my self, my team, and any one that genuinely supports 23rd Sense. That's what they should have been telling us before we entered our 20's. Don't be a pussy. Don't. *bryson voice* *still hate him though*