25 From the Other Side

Hey guys, do you remember this?

“I have a really close friend who literally has OCD for planning shit. She's had 5 different plans in 2015 alone. Life plans. GOALS! And not a single one came to fruition. And not because she didn't work towards succeeding them, but because every single time, unfortunate situations happened in her life that made her go back and make changes or start anew. But she has yet to give up on herself. She keeps it moving and is much stronger than the woman she was last year.” (TwentyFucking5...& what they didn't warn you about your 20's)

Well…that girl is me. So this is my side of the story. This is for my over thinking, anxiety stricken, logical, analytic, left brain using people who are just coming into their Quarter Life Crisis. Welcome, you’re amongst friends!

You ever think back to a time when you were describing exactly where you’d be at 25? I remember thinking that I’d be an engineer, working for the government, engaged, planning my wedding, and settling on a house. That was the plan. Yea, shit happens, but I am a firm believer in “if you fail to plan; you plan to fail.” I don’t see anything wrong with planning or having goals. If you don’t, you’re pretty much swinging in the dark. I have back up plans B-Z….because SHIT HAPPENS. I can’t just go with the flow because I will feel lost. There are too many distractions in the world; so what if I like to keep myself (somewhat) on track?

The downside to being an over thinker is…over thinking everything. Now, I will admit that I’ve been in countless situations where I pick everything apart and may have blocked a blessing or two from over thinking. I may not approach every opportunity, count myself out before I even try, or just over think to the point where I have a panic attack. I miss out on the spontaneity of life sometimes. I’ll be so obsessed with perfecting every detail rather than embracing the beauty of shit being up in the air.

The upside to being an over thinker is…“shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars”. So yea I might know where I’ll want to be when I’m 40 (kidding…kind of). Even if I don’t quite make it, I know I’ll be somewhere close. Now, let’s rewind to where I thought I’d be at 25. Am I an engineer working for the government? No, but I’ve worked for a Fortune 500 company, the government and an educational institution all aligned to engineering. Am I engaged and planning my wedding? No, but I have an amazing partner that has been by my side through all of the ups and downs. Am I settling on a house? No, but I’m not up in my momma’s house. So no, I’m not quite where I thought I’d be, but I’m not too far off.

Here are a few things that I want to pass onto my over thinkers in their Quarter Life Crisis:

  1. Be Grateful – I list 10 things that I am grateful for EVERYDAY. This helps me focus on things that I have accomplished thus far rather than what I don’t have.
  2. Relax – When you feel yourself stressing out over something. Put it down, drink some tea and come back to it when you’re in a better head space.
  3. Avoid Negativity – You’d be surprised of how much gossiping and laughing at people can actually hurt you. My mom always says “laugh now, cry later”. Meaning that you can be in someone’s situation in a heartbeat. Be careful of the energy you put out into the universe.
  4. Protect Yo Self – This is really important! If you know that fuck boy is going to stress you out…BLOCK! If you know that job is stressing you out…MOVE ON! You have to protect you heart AND your mind (which people tend to forget) like you protect a pair of Jordans…or whatever ya’ll like. I understand that this is easier said than done…but you’re mental health and sanity comes first! At the first sign of bullshit…LEAVE!
  5. No’s Are Ok – Embrace every “no” that someone has given you. If you want something…go after it! The worst someone can tell you is no. If it is a “no”, all that means is that it wasn’t meant for you. Something better is coming and it’ll work out.
  6. You’re Not Alone – Stop comparing your situation to everyone else’s. Just because someone’s life SEEMS better than yours, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is. Pain is relative. Everyone experiences hardships…yes, even Beyonce. No one has a perfect life…keep pushing.
  7. Focus – Some people like the whole jack of all trades thing. Yea, go for it, but be damn good at one thing. Try not to be all over the place, get bored with it and leave shit open ended.
  8. Connect to a Higher Power – Life is hard enough on your own. You probably need some connection to the spiritual world. I’m not saying you NEED to be a devout Christian or anything. I just know that having faith got me through A LOT of situations.

I hope this helps all of my fellow over thinkers. It will be ok! Keep planning, but also relax. Surround yourself with a few people who are free spirited. You can learn to loosen up and embrace the spontaneity that comes with life. Life is short, and shit is going to happen regardless so keep pushing!